Go with the your gut! Cruz Angeles attended the 2005 Filmmakers Lab to develop his project Don’t Let Me Drown, which he co-wrote with Maria Topete. Here, he offers a first-hand account of his experience. My first week at the Sundance Filmmakers Lab was intimidating. Just thinking about the industry heavy hitters who would be watching over me as I directed made me sweat. But all my worries and insecurities were soon quieted by the wonderful words of the lovely Joan Darling who happened to be my first one-on-one advisor. She said, "Don’t worry about it. Go with your gut and do it the way you know how." I had told her that sometimes I really felt like an impostor because my way of directing is not cerebral but intuitive and improvised. I really follow my instincts and the biggest fear I developed while attending film school was from all the questions that people bombarded you with. Why did you shoot it this way? Why did you tell your actors this or why did you make them do that? And sometimes even I didn’t know why I did certain things a certain way. So, it stifled me because as a film student I became too scared to make certain decisions without having a series of answers and I forced myself to always have them. It stopped me from working from the gut. So, Joan says, "From now on if anyone asks. Just tell them that God told you to." She gave me permission to be an artist again. She reminded me of what is important - that my voice and vision is idiosyncratic to my own experience and that you have to defend it even if at times you don’t quite understand the meaning of it yourself. If this was the only thing I could take away from being at the Lab, that day I thought I had struck gold. But it only got better. On my first day of shooting, I quickly realized that my crew was bar none the best film crew I had ever worked with. My DP Rob Humphreys was a fun guy and we challenged each other throughout the process. But more importantly he is a real ball-buster like me. My AD, Maggie Carey, was always two steps ahead of me on what needed to be done. And there was always shit talking on set, which created my kind of atmosphere but when things got rough and I got serious my crew followed. They were always on top of it. The lab emphasizes process over product and having efficient people on set gave me time to work on what is most important: directing my actors and finding a visual narrative style for the film. Plus, that day I had Joan Darling, Robert Redford, Harold Ramis, and Michael Hoffman visiting my set and advising me. What more can you ask for? In one of my evaluations (where all the advisors that week watch your scenes and give you feedback) I had Gyula Gazdag, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Keith Gordon, Christine Lahti, Tommy Schlamme, Sally Field, Michael Lehmann, Joan Tewkesbury and they were all telling me to not be too hard on myself. I was really unhappy with one of my scenes and I blamed myself for getting too caught up in the emotion of the scene that I lost perspective both on the performances and the coverage. Anyway, as all this is going on and I’m probably cursing up a storm and in walks Robert Redford in the middle of my rant. So, then Michelle Satter asks him if he has anything too add. And he says that he only has positive things to say. So he says what he liked about the scenes and, using a well-known F-word that I use a lot on my own set, brings me down to earth and allows me to move on. Everyone laughs and then straight from the gut, as I was advised, out of my mouth comes, "Hey man, same to you!" And then the laughter ROARS and I’m sitting there regretting it and thinking, "Damn, I just cursed at the godfather of this joint and in front of all these people." But really it was all good. None of it was meant in a bad way. If Robert Redford can call me out like that, with no sugarcoated bullshit, and snap me out of my negativity, then I knew that this place is all it says it is and more. Other than having a chance to rehearse, shoot and edit scenes from my script, what is incredible about the Lab is that they really investigate and diagnose your needs and help you with what you need help on. I came in not believing in myself and my process and have come out with a fiery confidence. To hear from Robert Redford himself that I had a good grasp on directing actors and that he really liked my demeanor on set was all I needed. It was empowering. He gave me a license to continue. From Joan Darling I learned to be more fierce about the details and to leave a scene alone if it’s working. She says, "If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it." Christine Lahti taught me to not chump out on emotion. If actors get to place where you want them then that’s the time to rehearse even if emotions are high. Tommy Schlamme reminded me to anchor the scene in the POV of the kids. It"s their story. Most importantly he says, "Never lose track of the movie that’s in your head." It’s so easy to get side tracked. Being on set, rehearsals, and lunch meetings with each one of the advisors was invaluable. Their many words of wisdom will be ringing in my head for quite a while. There is so much I can write about, so many stories. The parties… ahh... the parties. And the friendships that are instantly created on and off set. Everyday was a unique journey. Thanks to Michelle Satter, Mathew Greenfield and Gyula Gazdag, I always felt like I was part of a family. I felt at home. The atmosphere and vibe that they created was one where you feel free to explore, experiment and take risks. It is a nice place to fuel your soul. Through the Advisor’s Lens Although I don’t yet believe in God, in middle age I’ve come
to the filmmakers will find themselves overwhelmed by the magnitude of they will love their actors, hate their actors, be baffled as to why some of the filmmakers will do everything the advisors tell them other filmmakers will be so self assured that they will do nothing most of the fellows will direct their scenes while looking only at But there are also many consistent elements of the advisor’s experience: We will learn insane amounts about the filmmaking process from We will learn so much about the filmmaking process from observing the I know that I will get a glimpse into the secret world of actors and We will make friends with other advisors whose work we admire and We will sit in awe of Gyula and Michelle and wonder how they can This past summer, I decided that because my fellow advisors were all One filmmaker pulled me aside and furtively asked me if good One of the other filmmakers seemed ready for my practical advice. He So I stood by and discreetly offered a few suggestions: if you move I was about to pat myself on the back for being useful, when the I spent the next two days feeling useless. All I wanted to do was be I could go on and on, but I won’t. As I said before, there are Among themselves and somewhat sheepishly, the advisors at the Lab |